


Don't Fall In Love, There's Just Too Much To Lose

by midnightskies



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bungalow, Character Death, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Illnesses, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Sad, Sad Louis, Swearing, Terminal Illnesses, Weddings, i hate myself for writing this, im sorry, this is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1480219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightskies/pseuds/midnightskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry were happy, they had a family. Everything was perfect, until it wasn't.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>Harry's sick and Louis doesn't know what to do.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Fall In Love, There's Just Too Much To Lose

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, I was listening to 'Terrible Things - Mayday Parade' the other day and then bam this fic happened. I would like to apologise firstly because I hate myself for writing this, hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> Feedback and kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.fckuniall.tumblr.com), if you'd like.

Louis wasn’t overreacting, not one bit. 

Harry was sick, that much was clear. He’d been living in his bed for the past week, and it was Louis’ _duty_ to worry. Of course it was, his husband was lying in the bed too weak to move. Any time Louis tried to tell Harry then he needed to swallow his pride and visit his doctor, Harry would just bring his hand up to Louis’ face and assure him that he was fine, that this was nothing.

But the thing is, Harry wasn’t fine, and this wasn’t nothing.

***

Louis remembers seeing Harry for the first time, among the everlasting line of people, all hoping for the same thing. Standing in that line, Louis remembered feeling so insignificant and almost losing hope that he’d ever actually achieve his dream. His mum was there though, reassuring him that this was just the first hurdle and once he had overcome this, he could run to the next, until he reached his goal. He remembered Hannah standing watching over his shoulder at his shaking hands that where twisting in his t-shirt. Louis remembered how she silently took his hands and just knew, she just knew that all she needed was to hold them in her own, and Louis would be okay. Looking back Louis felt terrible at the circumstances with Hannah. 

They were perfect, they were the couple that everyone just _knew_ were going to be fine, because they had each other and that was all they’d ever need. Louis had never even looked at anyone else when he was with Hannah; no one deserved a second glance compared to her. Then it happened, Louis met Harry. 

It was just a fleeting glance to begin with, another boy in his teens, just like Louis, standing in the same line. Sitting on the same stool that Louis was about to sit on for his interview. Everything seemed to be working in their favour; the fates seemed to be bringing them together. Louis saw the face, and from that moment, he knew that that face would forever stay permanently in his mind. First, Louis noticed the unruly curly hair from where the boy was facing in the opposite direction. His back facing toward Louis, the back of his top stretched, outlining every single line on his back. Louis remembered looking away and shaking his head, riding the thoughts and furrowing his brow, he hadn’t just thought about another boy, another person in that way, when Hannah was standing right next to him, had he?

The next moment seemed to be one that Louis would remember for a millennium, the boy turned around and despite the sun shining in his eyes, Louis could remember his face clearly. The vivid green eyes, the stupid dimples sticking out of his cheeks and that bloody scarf hanging from around his neck. Louis willed himself to forget about the boy while he continued queuing for what seemed like a lifetime. Louis had done his interview, he really should have asked his mum if there was anything in his teeth beforehand because the interviewer was staring just a little too much at Louis’ mouth for his liking. 

They sat in the waiting room, waiting patiently for the dreaded number to be called, signalling Louis’ turn to perform. Louis remembered feeling sick, stupidly sick, he excused himself quickly and carried his body to the bathroom with quick steps. He was just running through the bathroom when he seemed to bump into someone.

“Oops,” the person had said. 

Louis smiled, “Hi.” The person turned around and Louis thanked the Gods above, it was the boy from earlier. 

“Hi,” the boy smiled. He then presented his hand to Louis, Louis looked down reluctantly gesturing to the toilet the boy had just exited. “Oh, er, yeah,” he had said, scratching the back of his neck. “I forgot about that, one second.”

Louis remembers the boy walking over to the sink and quickly washing his hands before coming back and presenting his palm once more. He introduced himself as Harry; Louis tested the name on his tongue before introducing himself, only to laugh when the boy did the same. Louis remembered looking down at the boy’s—Harry’s shaking hands and realising that he wasn’t as confident as he presented. 

Louis just took Harry’s hands in his own and told him that he had absolutely nothing to worry about, that he was going to make it. Louis was so sure of it, he even got Harry to autograph something and take a picture with Louis, so that Louis could remember the boy’s face forever. Louis still had that photo, hanging in their— _his_ office. 

Louis was right, of course. 

Harry did make it, but something that Louis could never thank anyone enough for was the fact that they got to make it together, as a group of 5, brothers. 

They had it all, Louis had everything he could have ever dreamed of. He was doing his dream job, doing something that seemed only imaginable and only probable to his six year old mind, that either wanted to be a singer or a superhero. No—Louis was actually doing this; he was actually singing for a living, making people happy through music. Saving people’s lives, or that’s what he was told anyway. 

Despite the fact that Louis and Harry did have to hide for what felt like too long, they were able to be themselves in the end. They were able to reveal to the fans that this was what they were, and they were in love. 

So hopelessly in love with each other, Louis tried relentlessly to remember the time when he fell in love with Harry, but he didn’t think it was an epiphany type of thing. It was more difficult to remember a time when he wasn’t in love with Harry. He loved Harry with every breath that he took; every fibre of his being was in love with Harry. Stupidly he was probably even in love with Harry when they were sat on those steps and Louis was biting Harry’s shoulder. It was just always something that was there, Harry thought differently. Harry just thought that it happened, that they just fell in love. But, for Louis there was never a process, he was just always in love. 

***

It had taken two weeks of Louis’ persistent nagging for Harry to go and see their doctor. Ollie hadn’t been too happy because his daddy was lying in bed all the time instead of playing with him, and as fun as his papa was, he just didn’t know how to make the right monkey noises. 

The thing was, Louis had wanted to go with Harry to his check up, but his mum had the day off work for the fist time in a while and she was too busy looking after the twins who were six and little terrors, he didn’t want to give her a eighteen month old to add to the madness. Then there were Harry’s parents, both whom were busy, his dad working and his mum away with Gemma. The boys would have happily looked after Ollie, but they all seemed to be busy with their own family lives. 

Due to that, Louis reluctantly let Harry leave to go to the doctors on his own. Harry lugging his own weight as if it were a ton of bricks, walking as though he were almost out of breath. Louis worriedly helped Harry to the car and told him that he could come and that they’d just bring Ollie. But Harry had shook his head and told Louis that he didn’t want Ollie to be exposed to the doctors where illness was present. 

Harry assured Louis that he wouldn’t be gone long and that Louis wouldn’t even miss him when he was gone. That was a lie, Louis _always_ missed Harry, even when he was close. Louis simply never felt close enough, he felt like Harry could slip through his fingers at any moment. Even after days of close proximity, Louis would often seek out Harry, if just to place his head on Harry’s shoulder and inhale his scent to reassure himself that Harry was still there. Harry obviously became aware of this, when he saw Louis get that searching look on his face, he often squeeze Louis waist to remind Louis that he was still here. 

No, this time Harry was going without Louis. Louis stood on the drive, Ollie lying sleepily in his arms, waving to Harry’s vehicle slowly getting smaller and smaller. 

***

They’d been together both as a couple and a band for two years when they decided to take a trip back to the bungalow. Louis remembered the bungalow, every single detail about it and he was overjoyed to discover that the bungalow hadn’t changed at all. 

Louis and the boys had together, brought out all of the chairs and sleeping bags, then they had sat around the campfire, all huddled together talking about every brilliant thing that had happened to then in the past two years. They each had a turn in saying the best thing to have happened to them. Louis and Harry had just looked at each other the entire time, smiling secretly as if it weren’t obvious to the boys what their answer was going to be. 

As they were all legal to drink, Louis had of course brought a crate of beer, to share between them. After a few too many, Harry had gotten up from his chair and approached Louis, gesturing toward his lap. Louis had just rolled his eyes and unzipped his sleeping bag, allowing Harry to squeeze himself in, cuddling into Louis, sighing into Louis’ neck. 

The boys had tried to roll their eyes, and be disgusted, but in reality they couldn’t. Liam had just sighed and grabbed one of the marshmallows from the bag, placed it on a stick and melted it on the fire; he then passed it over to Harry and Louis for the pair of them to share, even though Harry absolutely _hated_ marshmallows. The five of them sat there for a while, sitting under the stars, in the open air. 

They all tired in vain to name what stars were present or what constellations were present. The mixture of alcohol and not having any knowledge about the solar system was particularly humorous to Harry, who has sat in Louis’ lap, giggling into Louis’ neck the entire night, only occasionally bringing his head out to say something else. 

“Hey Lou,” he had said, “I think I can see Uranus.”

Louis just shook his head, holding in his laughter, “You know that I have an unlimited pass to see Uranus, Harold.”

“That you do,” he giggled. “That you do.”

Harry and Louis had then laughed together, “And what are you two love birds laughing at?” Niall interrupted them.

“Nothing,” Louis had sighed, pressing his face into Harry’s hair and began rubbing circles over Harry’s hip, earning a pleased hum from Harry. “Absolutely nothing.”

It had been completely spontaneous; Louis knew Harry loved it when he was spontaneous. Well it wasn’t entirely spontaneous as Louis had to go out and get the ring, he actually did have to plan it in his head. But, really Louis had no idea how or when he was actually going to propose, he didn’t want anything elaborate because that wasn’t what their relationship was. He wanted something simple, hell, Harry would probably be happy if Louis proposed at a slaughter house with a plastic ring that came free with a magazine. 

Louis wanted it to be special, and for that reason he carried around the ring with him ever since he had gotten it back from being engraved. Consequently, he took the ring with him to the bungalow it seemed appropriate. It wasn’t where they first met, but it was where they first all got to know each other and it is where Harry and Louis shared their first kiss. In the dark of the night, sneaking into each other’s beds huddling for ‘warmth’, so they told the boys, it would seem a little silly if they told the boys the truth that they just couldn’t bare to be apart from each other even though they had only know each other for approximately a month or two. 

The bungalow was a special place for all of them, Louis especially; he thought that it was there where he actually discovered himself. It was here that he came to the realisation that there was this boy, a boy with curly hair who he actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with. His eighteen-year-old mind had decided that it was this sixteen-year-old boy that he wanted forever to be his.

His stubborn eighteen-year-old mind still had the same thought process when it was a twenty-year-old mind proposing to his eighteen-year-old boyfriend. Louis had done it in front of the boys, uncaring of the company. All of the boys had sat down for breakfast in the morning, and Harry was in the middle of telling Niall one of his ridiculous knock-knock jokes. He had gotten to Niall asking ‘Who’s there?’ while sending Louis a pleading look, before Louis interrupted. 

“Hey, Harry,” he had said. 

Harry looked over, brushing his curls out of his face smiling. “Hello.”

Louis had approached Harry, and knelt in front of his seat, Harry turned to the side of the chair, facing his body toward Louis. Louis looked slightly over Harry’s shoulder to see Niall sitting there smiling widely, a knowing look in his eyes. Louis ignored him and took Harry’s hands into his own.

“You know that I love you, right?” 

Harry just nodded his head, rolling his eyes at Louis’ stupidity. “Of course I do, you tell me everyday, stupid.”

Louis brought his hand up to Harry’s face and stroked lightly down his cheek, “My Harry,” he had said with a watery smile. 

Harry had placed his hand up over Louis, and brought Louis hand to his mouth, kissing the palm lightly. “Yours,” he agreed.

“I love you, so much. So much, it hurts.”

“Me too,” Harry nodded. He grabbed Louis hand and placed it over his chest, where his heart was beating rapidly. “For you,” he nodded toward their interlocked hands.

Louis smiled; he had then used his other hand to rummage in his pocket for the case holding the ring. “Marry me?”

Harry had let go of Louis’ hand and brought both of them up to cover his mouth, he sat there for a few moments, completely shocked. Tears were leaking their way out of his eyes and cascading down his cheeks, Harry had proceeded to make Louis kneel there like an idiot for a few moments longer before he remembered that he actually had to answer the question. He nodded his head and dived into Louis’ hands sending them both back onto the floor, Harry lying on top of Louis. 

Louis remembered how he almost didn’t notice the other boys there— _almost_ —that was until Niall brought his hands together loudly, and dived onto Harry and Louis, joining their huddle. Liam looked at Zayn like they were all crazy, before he saw Zayn dive down as well; Liam shrugged his shoulders and fell on top of the pile, careful not to hurt Louis who was placed at the bottom. 

“Who’d have thought it, lads. Louis getting married before all of us, our boys. Growing up and getting married,” Niall smiled placing his hand over his heart, looking at Louis, before nodding his head. 

Louis laughed, “Well as fun as this is folks, if the person whose elbow is digging into my crotch doesn’t remove themselves in the next ten seconds, I will be forced to kick that person out of the band.” 

All the boys had gotten up laughing, all except Harry, who just lay there. His eyes were closed and his head resting over Louis’ heart, listening to the beating in his ear. Louis sighed, “You as well, Harold. I would actually like to show you the ring, and maybe even place it on your finger, if you’d allow me to do so.”

“Of course,” he had said quickly moving up, then stretching out his hand to help Louis up as well. 

Once Louis was standing, they all crowded around him so that they could catch a glance at the ring. Louis opened the box and presented it to Harry, it was a simple ring, he didn’t want anything too extravagant that would catch people’s attention, and he needed something subtle so that management would allow Harry to wear it. He opted to go simple on the engagement ring, but then if Harry wanted they could get extravagant wedding rings and then even eternity rings, if he wanted. 

Harry had tears running down his face when he took the ring out of the box, suddenly noticing the engravings before he placed it on his finger. Louis remembered Harry carefully running his fingers over the engravings, smiling to himself before bringing the ring closer to his eyes sight, inspecting it further. 

“Is this what I think it is?” he questioned, turning to Louis. 

Louis nodded, “My heartbeat,”

Harry pulled the ring close, almost as if he were hugging it before he gave it back to Louis and allowed him to place it gently on his finger. “Your heartbeat,” he repeated. Bringing his hand up to his mouth and kissing the ring where it was placed on his finger. Louis smiled, taking his hand before doing the same.

***

Louis was sat at the kitchen table, with Ollie sitting next to him in his high chair. Louis had given Ollie some cut up banana and he was sat in his chair looking through his phone. Though he wasn’t really concentrating, he couldn’t, not when Harry wasn’t here.

Louis must have been sat there for half an hour before he heard the front door open, he sat up slightly in his seat, looking at Ollie and winking, earning a giggle from the young child. Harry walked through the kitchen and huffed out a breath before sitting down on Louis’ lap, clutching his hand to his chest trying to regain his breath. 

He burrowed his head into Louis’ neck and Louis brought his hand up and began to stroke the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck. “You okay?”

Harry just hummed, leaning over to bop Ollie’s nose, before he then buried his head in Louis’ neck once more closing his eyes, “Took tests,” he sighed. “Said they’ll ring with results soon.”

Louis nodded his head, “Go on,” he gestured to the door. “Go and lie on the sofa, I’ve got Ollie.”

Harry sighed, turning back to look at Ollie sadly before he nodded his head. He stood up on shaking legs and Louis walked him over to the sofa and laid him across it. Louis then went back and got Ollie from his highchair, and brought him into the lounge on the play mat, Louis sat down next to Ollie, playing with him while also carefully watching Harry.

***

After dating for five years, Louis and Harry had decided that it was now the time for them to tell the world the truth. It was difficult, they never felt like it was something to conceal, rather that it was something that the world wasn’t ready to hear. But, something had changed; Louis had wanted to be able to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public. He wanted to declare from the rooftops that he was in love with Harry Styles and he would not once regret that statement. 

They decided as a band that it was an interview they could all do together, Harry and Louis didn’t want to be seen as separate from the band and this was a thing that involved the band so it seemed only obvious that the band would be there for the interview. 

Louis had been more nervous than Harry, he remembered the interview after he and Eleanor had ‘broken up’, all he had to do was keep his hand down when asked who had a girlfriend. Somehow the interviewer had noticed it and began questioning his supposed relationship with Eleanor. 

Now Louis seemed to be more nervous, he didn’t want to be hated for whom he loved. Actually, he didn’t mind if everyone hated him, he just really didn’t want everyone to hate Harry. Harry didn’t deserve it, he was so gentle and so special he didn’t deserve to have people criticise who he loved. 

It was a simple quick comment, nothing too drastic, both of them kept their hands down when asked who was single. Louis slipped in the comment about how ‘my boyfriend and I visited there once’, they were lightly questioned about their relationship and Louis thanked the lord that they boys were there also. They were able to direct the questions away that they didn’t want; they were able to divert the attention away from Harry and Louis. 

“But you’re happy, yes?” the interviewer asked, when the interview was coming to an end. 

Harry smiled, “Undeniably so.”

Louis laughed and mimicked his voice, Harry shoved his shoulder laughing, “Excuse me, you’re not allowed to be mean to your fiancé, it’s the rules.”

Louis hummed, “Rules,” he repeated. “I never liked following rules.”

Harry let out a laugh and Louis leant over and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek, ignoring the screaming that could be heard from the audience. 

***

It had only been a week of waiting when the results came; Louis, Ollie and Harry were all lying on the bed. Harry seemed to regain some strength over the past few days and as soon as the house phone rang, Harry jumped up to get it from the stand. 

Louis smiled and patted his bum lightly as he walked past him to get to the door; Harry sent a glare over his shoulder before walking out of the door. 

“Your daddy is awfully silly, I hope you know that.”

Ollie gave a toothy grin, “Daddy,” he said clapping his hands.

“Yes, your daddy,” Louis said nodding. “We both know that Papa is your favourite though, right?”

Ollie pointed to Louis, “Papa.”

Louis leant over and picked him up, lying down so that his back was flat against the bed. He lifted Ollie so that he was ‘flying’ over Louis, “My boy, you’re so clever,” he spoke smiling, “I’m scared you might me smarter than me.”

“No,” Ollie whispered. 

“You’re right, Ols. No one is smarter than Papa, not even Daddy, no matter what he says, don’t listen to him.”

Ollie nodded, “No listen Daddy.”

“Correct,” Louis laughed. “You’re a quick learner.”

They both sat back on the bed, Ollie leaning his head on Louis’ chest, listening to the steady beat of his papa’s heartbeat, lulling him to sleep. Harry stumbled back into the room, holding the phone to his chest. Louis observed the vacant look in his husband’s eyes, the red rimmed, tired, green eyes. 

Louis carefully laid the sleeping Ollie on the bed and quickly walked over to where Harry was standing in the door. Louis took Harry’s hands in his one of his and brought the other one up to Harry’s face and stroked down his cheek, “What is it?”

Harry shook his head, tears in his eyes. “It’s terrible,” he whispered. “I’m sick.”

“Well that much is clear, you wouldn’t have needed to go to the doctors if you weren’t,” Louis huffed.

“No, Lou,” Harry murmured, placing his hand over Louis’ hand that was resting on his cheek. “I’m really sick.”

“Okay, so what do we have to do? What medication are you going on?” he questioned desperately. “When are you going to be better?”

Harry shook his head and walked over to the bed, he laid down next to Ollie and huddled close to his son. “I, they said, that I—I,” Harry tried to form words, but he couldn’t. He heaved a breath, tears cascading their way down his cheeks and he cried into Ollie’s stomach. Louis came up from behind and wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist pulling him so his back was up against Louis’ chest. 

Louis whispered in Harry’s ear until he calmed down, he rubbed soothing circles into the skin where Harry’s top had risen on his hip. He stroked Harry’s hair down, kissing his neck, he did everything he could to distract himself from crying, everything. But attempts were futile; the tears began to sneak their way out of his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” he whispered to Harry, his voice breaking making the fact he was crying obvious. “You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong, darling. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

“They said,” he breathed. “They said I have weeks.”

Louis heart stopped, _literally_ stopped beating in his chest. His voice choked, everything failing him. This couldn’t be happening, this could not be happening. Harry wasn’t leaving Louis he absolutely couldn’t leave Louis. They had a child, this couldn’t happen. 

Louis shook his head, “No,” he denied. “They’re just being dramatic, H. You’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

Harry shook his head, “Lou,”

“No, darling. Don’t,” he said getting up from the bed, pulling himself away from Harry. “Please, please don’t. You’ll see, you’ll be right as rain in no time. They’ll see that they were wrong.”

“Lou,” Harry tried again.

“Harry, please. We’ll show them,” he persisted. “You’ll be fine, and we will show them that they are wrong.”

Harry stood, “Louis.”

Louis turned from where he was facing the wall, “No, Harry. Don’t fucking do this to me, please,” he pleaded. “You’ll be okay, you have to be.”

“I’m sorry, they said there’s nothing they can do.”

Louis turned and punched the wall quickly, “Well then what is their fucking job?” he shook his head, “No, Harry, you’ll see, they’ll save you, love. Don’t even worry; they’ll do it, okay? That’s what they do, they save people, you’ll see.” 

Harry approached Louis carefully, turning him so that Louis could bury him face into Harry’s chest, inhaling his scent, calming him down instantly. Harry helped Louis over to the bed, settling them so they were carefully placed beside Ollie, Louis right next to him with Harry cuddling Louis from behind. His hand stretching over so that is was running through Ollie’s hair. 

“You two are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me,” Harry whispered. “Please, don’t forget that. I love you with my heart and soul. I know that we will meet again some day.”

Louis brought Harry’s hand that was wrapped around his waist up to his mouth and kissed his hand, “Please.”

“’m not scared,” he mumbled. “Of dying, I’m not scared. If that’s the way God wants me to go, then that’s the way I’ll go. There’s no changing destiny, as much as I wish I could have more time loving you, this is the path that I’m supposed to go down. Me and you, we always spoke about fate and destiny, seems we only agree with it when it’s in our favour?”

Louis made a noise of agreement, unable to speak.

“Thought so,” Harry chuckled. “I’m going to miss you.”

Louis let out a choked sound, “Please, don’t talk like you’re already gone.”

Harry smiled against Louis’ hair. “Basically am, love.”

“No,” Louis said bringing Harry’s hands so that they were wrapped tighter around him.

Harry sighed, pushing the hair by Louis’ ear away and tucking it behind his ear, he kissed the tip of his ear. “I’m scared of leaving you and Ollie alone,” he whispered solemnly. “Don’t want you to be alone.”

Louis turned in his arms so that he was facing Harry; Louis brought his hand up and brought it down Harry’s face. “Then don’t go,” he said simply. 

Harry chuckled, “Not that easy, love.”

Louis picked Ollie up carefully and laid him in between Harry and Louis, “Wish it was that easy,” Louis whispered, kissing the top of Ollie’s head.

Harry smiled, before closing his eyes willing himself to fall to sleep. Louis lay there for a while, looking at him family sleeping. He brought his hand over to Harry’s face and stroked down his husband’s cheek, looking quickly over to the hand that held the three rings. Harry did get the eternity ring in the end, it was supposed to symbolise something that was everlasting, but obviously the fates had other ideas. 

Louis smiled sadly before looking down to Ollie, who was lying with his head on Harry’s chest slightly and his little arms reaching behind for Louis. “Forget what I said earlier, Ols. Always listen to your Daddy, he is the smartest person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, I honestly hope you think the same, even if you don’t get to know him as well as I do,” he said sniffling. Louis felt Harry’s hand that was placed on his hip tighten slightly, squeezing his hip as reassurance. Louis was now sure that Harry wasn’t sleeping; he sighed then leant over and kissed Harry, before lying down and falling into an uneasy sleep.

***

It was merely a year after that had come out when they had their wedding, when the truly became a family. They decided on a seemingly quiet service, with their family and friends. They had enough of their life in the media; they didn’t need their wedding in the media as well. 

Of course, it was obvious, and they weren’t quiet about the date of their wedding, often tweeting about their nerves, or developments in the wedding planning. But they never did reveal the location of the wedding; Louis also tweeted asking for privacy on the day, he only hoped that both the fans and the media could comply. 

Louis remembered the day had been the greatest day of his life—apart from the day Ollie was born, and the day he had met Harry, of course. 

It had been amazing, obviously he felt sick before the ceremony, but everyone did. He was about to declare his love for Harry, in front of everyone most important in his life.

Despite the fact that Louis had obviously been subjected to many different cameras at any given point, the day of the wedding was something different. There were so many photos being taken, but Louis found that he didn’t care, he was happy; he and Harry were a family. The photos were their own, and they wouldn’t be shown to the public unless they wanted them to be, Louis trusted every single person at the wedding and he was sure that the pictures would stay on their phones and not across magazine articles. 

They had been sitting down, after just completely the speeches and Louis had _not_ cried at Zayn’s speech. He hadn’t at all, Harry had just laughed at him and brought his hand, which now held two rings up and wiped away the tears that were streaking down Louis’ cheeks. 

“I love you,” Harry whispered.

Louis kissed Harry’s palm, “I love you too, darling.”

***

Harry’s health began to deteriorate. That much was clear to anyone, firstly they had told Harry’s family about his health. Next they had told the boys, then Louis’ family, then everyone else, including the fans. 

Well the fans had already kind of caught on that something was wrong with Harry, but no one could ever have thought it was something as horrific as it actually was. It seemed that the media had declared Harry as some sort of sympathetic story and Harry absolutely hated it. He strived daily to prove to the media, to the public that he wasn’t just someone to feel sorry for. He was just a normal person, a normal person with a destiny different to most people. 

They’d all decided that they would do an interview, talking about the ending of the band and the release of their last album. Louis was reluctant to allow Harry to do the interview, he’d much prefer a radio interview, but Harry was insistent that he needed to prove to the public that he was okay, even if he wasn’t.

That’s what brought them to this point, where they were all squished onto one sofa. Louis wasn’t sure whether the producers had purposely put out only one sofa to make the interview somewhat reminiscent of their earlier interviews. He tried to treat the interview as any normal one, but this one felt different. Louis felt a sense of finality with this interview and it made him want to run home, run home and hide in the bed, cuddle close to Harry and never come out. 

Harry stroked Louis’ arm the entire time that they were waiting for their interview. They sat right next to each other on the sofa, their hands placed over each other, rings looking perfect next to each other. 

“So, Harry, you’re illness. You’ve told the press and the fans, but you’ve not said how long the doctors have given you,” the interviewer stated. 

Louis glared, then looked off to where someone from his management was standing. “I thought we said no questions about Harry’s health.”

Harry stroked his hand down Louis’ arm, “It’s okay, Lou.”

“No it’s not,” he shook his head. “Look, we have had enough of our lives in the media, and I’m not having your death all over it as well. This isn’t asking who your last apparent shag was, H. He is asking you the date of your death. If you’re not going to bare your fucking teeth and tell him that it’s completely inappropriate, then I will.”

After that moment the interview wasn’t the greatest, the interviewer was almost too focused on Harry’s health, as opposed to the band releasing their last album and breaking up, like they were there to discuss. Louis didn’t like it, and as soon as the interview was over he told Harry that he was going home to visit him mum. 

He drove in his car all the way back to Doncaster, as soon as he stopped on the driveway, he broke down, leaning his head on the steering wheel crying on his own. He sat in his arm, heaving, tears streaming down his face for a while before he dragged himself to his mum’s door and walked inside. 

As soon as he had gotten inside he collapsed to his knees in the hallway, his mum, after hearing the noise, ran out into the hallway only to see Louis there on my floor, sobbing. She approached him, and then sat down on the floor next to him, bringing him close to her rocking him back and forth, attempting to calm him down.

“Why?” he questioned.

She just shrugged her shoulders, “I’m sorry, Lou. Life sucks, to be frank with you. Harry doesn’t deserve this, not one bit. He does however, deserve your support, which I’m assuming he doesn’t have if you’re here.”

Louis sighed, nodding his head before he said hello to all of his siblings and got back into the car, driving back to his and Harry’s home. Once he got home he found Harry lying on the sofa with Ollie lying flat out on his chest, he approached then carefully and placed a kiss on both of their foreheads, “I’m sorry, I’m here now,” he promised. 

He moved to walk away but found that his hand was trapped there, he turned and saw Harry gripping his arm with his eyes open, and Louis smiled slightly. Harry gestured for him to lay with them, so Louis did. He settled on the sofa, lying with his family.

He settled back and allowed Harry to lean his head on Louis’ chest. “I’m sorry, darling. I left you when you needed me the most.”

Harry looked up at Louis, “You can have the choice if you want,” he observed Louis’ confused look and explained further. “If you want to leave, you can, I know it’ll be difficult for you, sticking around.”

Louis looked in disbelief at Harry, “I could never.”

Harry smiled and kissed Louis’ chest where he was laying. He then settled his head back so it was lying over Louis’ chest, listening to the lull of Louis’ heartbeat.

Over the next two weeks Harry got worse and worse, to the point where it hurt to move to the kitchen for food. It pained Louis, hurt when Harry had to move into the hospital so that the doctors could keep a close eye on his health. The only thing that kept Louis sane was Ollie. 

***

It was a Thursday when Ollie was born. They both remembered it clearly, they had been sleeping, early hours of Thursday morning when the phone rang with a panicked voice on the other line telling that the Ollie was bloody impatient and that he was going to be born, two weeks before originally planned. Louis thought that he took after Harry, so excited to be part of the world that he wanted to enter two weeks early. 

With gleeful smiles the both dressed quickly, sharing several kisses in their excitement before Louis drove then to the hospital. Then it was a waiting game. 

They waited for four hours in the quiet waiting room, Louis sitting back against the chair with Harry lying across three chairs, his head in Louis lap. The entire time Louis brushed Harry’s hair out of his face, while they both talked about the upcoming trails of fatherhood. They had decided beforehand that he was going to be called Oliver James Tomlinson-Styles, or Ollie for short. They knew that Harry was Daddy and Louis was Papa, they knew many things about how they were going to approach being parents. 

But that didn’t stop them being nervous, “Lou?” Harry questioned.

“Yeah?” Louis replied, looking down at Harry. 

“What if he hates me?” Harry whispered, so quiet Louis almost didn’t hear him.

Louis stroked his hand down Harry’s cheek, “Not possible, darling. He will love you unconditionally because you are his dad, just like you love your parents.”

Harry nodded, before closing his eyes, but Louis could still see his hands shaking slightly, Louis took Harry’s hands in his and held onto them tightly earning a smile from Harry.

Before they knew it they’d been waiting another hour and a half, then a nurse came out smiling, “Congratulations, you are now parents,” Harry let out a sigh of relief. “Come on, come and meet your son,” she spoke gesturing to the hallway behind her. 

They both stood on shaking legs as they left the waiting room, both leaning against each other, each supporting the other. Louis tightened his hand where it was wrapped around Harry’s waist; Harry brought his hand up and squeezed Louis’ hand, smiling down at him. 

They were walking for what felt like forever, before the nurse stopped in front of a closed door. She turned to look at Louis and Harry and gestured with her hand for them to enter the room. Louis turned behind him to look at Harry, and he grabbed Harry’s hand, opening the door to see their surrogate sat on the bed with Ollie in her arms. 

Louis put his hand over his mouth, tears leaking down his cheeks as he approached the bed. She held her arms out for Louis to take Ollie from her; he swallowed his nerves, and then took Ollie into his arms. 

He pushed the blanket away from where it was bunched up in Ollie’s face, “Hello sweetheart, I’m your Papa,” he whispered, bringing his finger and brushing it carefully down Ollie’s small face. Ollie’s face scrunched up and Louis looked around for Harry who was standing behind him. “Look, look how perfect he is.”

Harry nodded his head and Louis gestured for him to take Ollie from him. Harry seemed hesitant at first but when Louis placed Ollie in his arms, Harry seemed to be lost to the world, only focusing on the baby in his arms. Harry brought Ollie up to his face, and kissed his forehead gently. Harry looked up to Louis and Louis saw the tears running down his cheeks.

Louis just nodded his head, knowing that Harry was thinking this was as unbelievable as Louis thought it was. “He’s perfect,” Harry stated.

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry and Ollie, “Yeah,” he agreed. “The perfect addition to our little family.” Louis then proceeded to kiss Harry on the neck and stroke his hand over Ollie’s face, almost to test if he were real. 

***

It all seemed like a lifetime ago, much different to where Louis was sat now. Though, it wasn’t entirely different, Louis was sat in the hospital once more, this time however, he wasn’t here for the joyous event of a new life entering the world. He was sat where he had been for the past few days, at the side of Harry’s bed, watching his husband sleep.

Anne had offered to look after Ollie while Louis spent the majority of his time in the hospital with Harry. Louis hadn’t left Harry’s bed side for four days in total, despite having countless people coming in and telling him that he needed to go and shower, or go and eat, or even take a walk. He didn’t need to shower; he’d do that once Harry was okay again. People brought him food, he didn’t need to move to get it and he most definitely didn’t need to go for a walk, he’d done enough walking in his life, he could hold it off once more until Harry could walk with him. 

He had gotten most annoyed when Liam had come in and told him that he should go home and clear his head, maybe go and see Ollie. Liam had even had the audacity to state, “Harry wouldn’t want you cooped up in here.” Louis had just glared in response, he hadn’t wanted to shout in front of Harry, and so he held himself back. He stopped himself from calling Liam a fucking wanker; he even prevented himself from shouting that no one knew what the fuck Harry wanted because Harry was lying on a hospital bed dying, and not one person would fucking help him live. 

At one point, Harry had awoken from his slumber, coughing. Coughing so much that Louis’ chest heaved in pain, only imagining what Harry was going through. It seemed that Harry couldn’t cough enough, that something was stuck in his throat, striving to get out but failing. Louis had pressed the button so quickly, and then he went still. He had absolutely no idea what to do, he didn’t know how to help Harry, and he cursed himself because of it. What a brilliant husband he was, Harry was having a coughing fit, unable to catch his breath and all Louis could do was just stand there watching on as still as a statue. 

The nurses came rushing in and they pulled Harry so that he was sitting up and patted his back forcefully. Louis just watched on, almost in denial about what was happening in front of him. When Harry seemed to stop coughing, he settled himself back down so that he was lying down, and fell asleep once more. Louis sighed, bringing his shaking hands and running them down his face, before he followed one of the nurses out of the room. 

“Excuse me,” he called after her. 

She stopped and turned around, “How can I help you?”

“It’s not how you can help me,” he huffed. “My husband, you need to save him.”

The nurse looked at him sadly, “Look, Mr Tomlinson—”

“It’s Tomlinson-Styles,” Louis interrupted forcefully.

“Mr. Tomlinson-Styles, at this present moment there is only so much we can do for you husband. We are trying our best trust me, we are,” she explained. 

“Well you need to try harder,” Louis shouted, bringing his hands up in the air before bringing them down to his side. 

“Look,” she tried.

Louis ran his hands over his face, “No,” he sounded tired. “I’m tired of people telling me that there is nothing they can do. I know there is, I know that Harry isn’t going to die, he can’t die.”

The nurse looked at him sadly, she went to say something but Louis held his hand up, signalling that he was going to speak. “If you can’t save him, then what is your fucking job?” he shouted. “I thought your job was to save people,” he sounded defeated. 

“Sir,” she spoke sadly. 

Louis brought his eye up from where they were staring at the ground and saw the expression on her face. “Okay,” he decided. “How much do you want?”

“Pardon?” she questioned confused. 

He rolled his eyes, “To save him,” he responded, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. “How much money will it take? I have more money than I’ll ever need, how much do you want?”

“Sir, this is not a matter of money, we do not have the knowledge to save your husband, we do not require money, we require knowledge and if you could give that to us then bingo, but if not then I am dreadfully sorry.”

Louis shook his head, his knees feeling weak. “No,” he reached out for her. “Please, don’t give up on him. Please, he has already given up, please, don’t you give up as well.”

She grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly, “I can assure you that we will do everything in our power to save your husband, it’s just the question of whether it will be enough.”

He nodded his head, tears falling from his eyes. He let go of her only for his knees to completely give out underneath him, resulting in his falling to the floor. The nurse looked down sadly, before sitting on the floor next to him. 

“I know how you feel,” she whispered.

Louis scoffed, “No, you—”

“Yes, I do,” she confirmed. “My childhood sweetheart, we were twenty.”

He looked at her, observing her tired eyes, the evident bags under them, he instantly felt guilty, “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, “Not your fault,” she spoke wiping the tear that had fallen from her left eye. “I just thought we would have more time. Terminal illness is the worst, and everyday when I see someone who is losing their life or losing someone because of it, my heart goes out to them. It’s the worst, we all know that one day we are going to die, but to most of us we are oblivious to it, but to be given a time frame of how long you have left to live is the worst thing. What do you do? You’re told you have so many weeks to live, then suddenly the world becomes too large, there are too many things that you have yet to do, too many people you’ve yet to meet.”

Louis nodded his head, “I thought we would have forever, that’s what happens, isn’t it?” he stated. “You find someone and you love them forever, I’ve been told this for as long as I can remember and I don’t know what to do now that I know I won’t have forever.”

She took his hand into her own, “Forever is never long enough.”

“He’s my person,” Louis admitted. “My Harry, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without him.”

“Live,” she stated simply. “That’s what he’d want.”

“Why does everyone keep talking about what they think he wants?” he questioned, rolling his eyes. 

She smiled sadly, “It’s what anyone wants when they’re gone. When I die I don’t want my family to put their lives on hold, I want them to continue with their lives, and hold my memory closely and fondly, not sadly.”

Louis just shrugged his shoulders; he didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to actually make it real, if he thought about it, if he spoke about it, then it would actually be happening to him. This couldn’t be happening, Harry was _not_ lying on his deathbed. He couldn’t be. 

Standing up quickly, Louis approached the door, before walking in and settling himself against the chair again. He took Harry’s hand in his and leant forward so that his head was settled on Harry’s chest. 

Louis rested his head so that it was facing toward Harry, so that he was able to memories every bump, every spot, every imperfection and perfection on Harry’s face. He stroked Harry’s hand where he was holding it in his own, “Hey, darling,” he murmured, as if it were a secret. “I need you to do something for me, I need you to hold on.”

Harry’s face scrunched up as if he were having a bad dream, “The thing is, I can feel you slipping through my fingers,” he spoke honestly. “I’m trying to hold on, I swear to you I am. But, I just need your help as well, I need you to hold on back.” 

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand tighter in his own, “I can’t let go, I know it’s selfish,” he admitted. “You just need to hold on, okay? I’m begging you. Please,” he sobbed.

He turned his head so that his sobs were disguised into Harry’s chest. “Please, don’t leave me, I can’t do this on my own, I can’t raise Ollie on my own, I can’t live without you,” he cried. “Please, just be okay. Please,” he begged.

Louis lay there crying into Harry’s chest, before he cried himself to sleep. Waking up he felt something wrapped around his shoulders and something stroking his hair. He raised his head from where it was buried against Harry’s chest and looked to see Harry looking down at him smiling and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. 

Louis smiled at Harry, Harry smiled back before gesturing for Louis to come and lie down next to him in the bed. Louis crawled up the bed and settled himself next to Harry, both lying facing the ceiling their hands intertwined. 

“You should go home,” Harry whispered. “Go and see Ollie.”

Louis shook his head, even though Harry couldn’t see him. “Can’t leave you,” he sighed, turning so that he was facing Harry who was still staring at the ceiling. He settled himself so he was pressed up against Harry’s side, his face pressed into Harry’s neck; he placed a light kiss there. “I’m scared that one day I’ll go home, and that’s when I’ll get the call.”

Harry let out a shaky breath, “It’ll be okay.”

“No,” Louis denied. “It won’t be, how can it be okay when you’re gone?”

Harry smiled slightly, “We would have had a good life,” he admitted, speaking despite the tears running down his face and the sobbing Louis clinging to him. “A fantastic life. Before this, I was planning on buying you a dog, a Dalmatian, as a surprise, I know you’ve wanted one for ages.”

Louis smiled despite the tears, nodding his head. 

“Do me a favour?” Harry asked. “Get a dog for Ollie, and name it something stupid like Francis. I can imagine us with a dog called Francis.”

“Only you’d call a dog Francis,” Louis replied. 

Harry hummed, “Perfectly good name.”

Louis inhaled where his face was buried against Harry’s neck, “I think we would have renewed our vows on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.”

“You think so?” Harry smiled, and Louis nodded. “Me too.”

Harry brought his hand up shakily and wiped the tears that were falling from Louis’ eyes. “Don’t be sad,” Harry said. “I’ll always be there for you, maybe not in person, but I’ll always be there, in here.” With great difficulty, Harry brought his hand slowly and placed it over Louis’ heart, resting it there a huffing out a breath at the effort it took to move his hand there. 

Louis bit his lip, noticing the struggle. He placed his hand over Harry’s that was placed on his chest and bit his lip even harder to prevent the sob sounding. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing this all to be a terrible dream.

Louis hadn’t spoken to the boys much, only briefly. It wasn’t intentional; it’s just that Louis hadn’t really spoken to anyone much the past couple of days. Everyone just seemed to look at him in pity, anywhere he went he’d have people following him, their faces looking sympathetic. Everyone wanted to talk about it, but Louis didn’t. 

Talking about it made it real, it made the nightmare become a reality. That’s why Louis didn’t want to talk, because it made everything real.

It was three days later when Louis had left the hospital to go and spend the day, or at least a few hours with Ollie. He had been at Anne’s for two hours, and had just made Ollie something to eat when his phone rang. He shakily answered it, his voice breaking. 

That’s when Louis stopped, collapsing to the floor in Anne’s kitchen. Hearing the bang Anne came rushing through the house, when she entered the kitchen she could see Louis lying on the floor, his phone thrown off to the side. 

She approached him carefully, “Who was it?”

“Doctor,” he said looking up at Anne with red-rimmed eyes. “Said he is getting worse by the second, they don’t think he’ll last the night,” he sniffed.

Anne let out a choked sob, nodding her head. She stood up and went upstairs leaving Louis in the kitchen, a few minutes later she returned, with a bag in her hand. She walked over to Louis kissed the top of his head before walking to Ollie’s highchair and picking him up. “Come on then,” she said, gesturing toward the door. 

With tears still streaking down his face, Louis heaved his body up and walked toward the car, Anne drove them all back to the hospital. Louis sitting in the back of the car next to Ollie’s car seat, Ollie’s little fingers wrapped around his own, offering a sense of comfort. 

When they got to the hospital, they all walked slowly to Harry’s room, when Louis opened the door he was greeted with the sight of Harry looking worse than ever. His face was pale and there were evident bags under his eyes even though he had been sleeping more than any average person. Despite this, Harry still smiled widely, his dimples showing when they entered the room. He held his arms out looking toward Ollie; Anne promptly strode over and placed Ollie in Harry’s awaiting arms. 

Louis and Anne took the seats next to Harry’s bed, while Harry whispered quietly to Ollie, despite his whispering Louis could still hear every word Harry was telling the child. “Now listen here mister, I love you very much, you are one of the greatest things to ever happen to me,” Louis let out a choked sob, Harry looked over at him sadly before turning his attention back to Ollie. “Your Papa is going to need all the support and comfort he can get, okay? I’m trusting you to look after him, I know it’s a heavy weight for your tiny shoulders but I’m positive you can carry it. I know you’re going to grow up and make me proud. I don’t care what you do or who you love, I’m going to be the proudest Daddy. I’ll look down from heaven and declare to everyone that you are my son, and honestly Ols, I know you won’t remember me but I hope that you’ll always remember that I’m always watching over you and I will _never_ let any harm come to you. I love you so much, sweetheart, be happy,” he concluded, kissing Ollie’s forehead. Ollie brought his tiny hand up to his Daddy’s face and ran his hand over Harry’s cheek collecting the tears that had fallen.

“Daddy,” Ollie spoke.

Harry nodded, tears leaking out of his eyes. “Daddy’s here, baby. Daddy loves you so much,” he stated kissing Ollie’s palm.

“Daddy,” Ollie repeated. Harry just smiled with tears in his eyes, before Louis took Ollie out of his arms and let Anne go close. Louis decided to leave the room with Ollie for this one, they deserved the privacy. He walked through the hospital corridors with Ollie settled in his arms, whispering soothing words to the child. Though the words were more likely for Louis’ benefit as Ollie didn’t really have any idea what was going on.

Louis was walking around for a while with Ollie, before Anne found them and approached them, taking Ollie out of his arms and she gestured with her head toward the hall where Harry’s room was. Louis nodded sadly, tears already running down his face. 

He walked cautiously toward Harry’s room, knowing that this was the last time he was going to walk into Harry’s room. He opened the door to see Harry lying on the bed, huffing out breaths. Louis shut the door behind him, making a noise, which Harry obviously heard as he looked up. His green eyes shining with tears, he purposely knocked the cup that was on the desk by his bed off onto the floor. “Oops,” Harry whispered.

Louis’ eyes flooded with tears as he walked toward Harry, “Hi.”

“I love you,” Harry said, taking Louis hand as he was now right next to the bed and he kissed the rings on Louis’ left hand. 

Louis shakily brought his right hand to his face and placed it over his mouth, stopping the choked noise from sounding. Nodding his head, he settled himself so that he was sitting on the bed, holding Harry’s hand in his own. 

“You’ll be okay,” Harry spoke; Louis looked away from their interlocked hands and looked at the sincerity on Harry’s face. “You’ll be okay, you have everyone else, and you don’t need me.

Louis shook his head, “I need you.”

“You’ll be okay,” Harry said biting his lip, his face frowning.

“Darling, please,” Louis begged. “Please, just—don’t, don’t leave me.” Louis began sobbing louder, leaning his body down so that his head was buried in Harry’s lap. 

Harry brought his hand up stroking Louis’ hair down at the back, “Lou.”

“I need you to be okay,” Louis whispered. “This is all a dream, right? I’m going to wake up and you’re going to be there telling me how silly I am for eating cheese before I slept because you know I always get weird dreams when I eat cheese. You’ll be there to cuddle me and you can tell me how this could never happen, how we are going to raise Ollie and maybe more kids, how we are going to live until we are in our nineties and sing until people tell us to stop. I need you to be there to tell me that you love me everyday.”

“I love you,” he said bringing his hand down the back of Louis’ head. 

Louis just shook his head, his back shaking with sobs. 

“You know that I love you, Lou,” Harry spoke shakily. “If you ever need a reminder, just look at Ollie, look at your rings. I’m always there, I’ll always be there.”

Louis brought his face out from Harry’s lap, “What if I forget what you sound like?” he questioned sadly. “What if I forget how you sound when you say ‘I love you’? What if I forget your smell? Or your stupid dimples, Harry, what if I forget?”

Harry sighed, “You won’t forget, I know you won’t, you’re too stubborn. You won’t let yourself forget, you have tons of videos of me declaring my love for you on your phone, you have our wedding video, our wedding photos. You have all of that, you won’t forget, I promise.”

“But what if I do?” Louis persisted. 

“Well,” Harry began. “Then you can look at the stars, and the one that’s shining the brightest will be me. I will be the brightest star in the sky, watching over you.”

Louis frowned, “But I want you to be right next to be, I want you to watch over me from beside me, and not from the sky.”

“You’ll be okay,” Harry stated.

Louis sobbed sadly, moving up the bed so that he could cuddle closer to Harry. Louis held Harry like that, the two of them occasionally whispering ‘I love you’. They told each other everything that night, not that they didn’t already know everything about each other, but they just decided to unveil all. 

They were only interrupted occasionally when Harry began to cough a few times. Once, Harry coughed so much that he threw up on himself a little bit. Louis sadly sighed before moving over to the corner of the bed, retrieving the bag. Placing his hand inside he fished around for Harry’s favourite jumper, which was also the jumper that Louis occasionally wore. He walked back over to Harry and took off his dirty top, and then he helped Harry place the jumper over himself, Harry shivering as he did. 

He settled once more against Harry’s side, wrapping himself around the younger boy, squeezing his eyes closed, trying to remember how to sounded to hear Harry declare his love. He inhaled deeply, trying to memorise Harry’s scent. 

Louis could see the sunset slightly through the window, and he sighed. He looked back up to Harry to see his eyes closed.

“Harry?” he questioned.

When he received no response, the tears began leaking from his eyes once more. He knew that it was over, he just knew it, but he wouldn’t allow himself to accept it. He moved his arm and placed it on Harry’s arm, carefully shaking him slightly. “Harry?” he whispered. “Darling?” his voice broke as a sob ripped its way out of his throat.

“You still with me, H?” he cried. “I don’t think you are, I don’t want to believe you’ve gone. You’re not gone, right? You’re still here?” 

Louis lifted himself so he was sitting up in the bed; he looked at Harry’s peaceful face and felt even more tears flow down his cheeks. “Please, Harry please,” he whispered, running his hand down Harry’s face. Louis noticed people rushing into the room, asking him to get off the bed, but he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t leave Harry alone. “Darling, I’m begging you, please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.” 

Louis felt arms lifting him off the bed, and carrying him out of the room. He screamed, closing his eyes and wriggled his body, fighting to get out off the arms and back to Harry. “Lou, just calm down,” someone whispered to him. Louis recognised the voice and he opened his eyes to see Zayn carrying him, tears running down his cheeks.

“Zayn,” he sobbed, burying his face into Zayn’s t-shirt.

“I know, I know,” Zayn soothed. “I’m sorry.”

“He’s not gone, right?” he asked. Louis looked just in time to see Zayn glance down at him sadly, before sitting down in the waiting room with Louis in his lap. Louis brought his head out and looked around the room to see all the boys sitting there, Anne, Gemma, Robin, Ollie and his own family. He pushed his way out of Zayn’s lap and then collapsed onto the floor, in the middle of the circle of chairs that his family and friends were sitting on. 

Anne walked over carrying Ollie; Louis looked up at Anne and saw tears running down her face, he then realised that this was a mother who’d just lost her son. He lifted his hand and wiped the tear from her cheek, “I’m sorry.”

Anne shook her head, “We’ll be okay.” She placed Ollie in Louis’ arms, and Louis looked down to see his son staring confusedly back at him. He let out a huff, and cuddled Ollie close to his chest. He then felt himself being hugged by Anne, then he found himself in the centre of a group hug, he smiled slightly. 

Then he remembered why they were all there in the first place, and it broke his heart. A scream made its way out of his throat, he barely even registered someone taking Ollie out of his arms, and pulling Louis into their chest rocking him back a forth, whispering soothing words into his ear. Telling him that everything was going to be okay, Louis knew that it wasn’t, he knew they were lying. Nothing could possibly be okay when Harry wasn’t here. 

He tried to remember Harry’s gruff voice, but he had too many soothing voices whispering how everything would be okay. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t listen anymore. 

“Shut up,” he growled. Everyone was quiet, then he tried to remember again, placing his hands over his ears he rocked himself back and forth. It was pointless, Harry seemed to be slipping through his fingers so quickly that Louis felt like he’d blinked and Harry was gone. 

He fished his phone out of his pocket, and grabbed his headphones from his other pocket. He directed himself to his videos on his phone and sat with his back against a wall of the hospital, tears streaming down his face as he watched videos of his completely stupid, lovesick husband. He laughed gleefully as he watched a video of Harry tripping over his own feet as he ran toward Louis and the camera. Once he’d reassured himself that Harry had actually existed and wasn’t just a figment of his imagination, he took the headphones out and looked around the room at everyone. Everyone seemed to be looking at him with caution, all except Ollie who was in Zayn’s arms and was reaching his own arms out toward Louis.

Louis smiled slightly before standing up on shaking legs and walking toward Ollie, he took Ollie out of Zayn’s arms before walking back over to sit with Ollie huddled to his chest in the corner of the room. 

Louis spoke in hushed tones to Ollie, making sure that no one else could hear him. “My Ollie,” he spoke running his hand down Ollie’s face. Ollie laughed delightedly trying to grab Louis’ finger, when he grabbed it he brought it to his mouth, smiling at Louis while he did. Louis just cuddled Ollie closer to him, “I know you don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m going to need you to be patient with your Papa, okay?”

Ollie just looked up at him with sparkling eyes, “I don’t really know how I’m going to do this without your Daddy,” he admitted. “But I’ll try my hardest, I swear to you I will. I’ll tell you everyday about your Daddy, how brilliant he is—I mean was.” Louis broke off to sob into his hand. 

Ollie looked at him confused, then brought his small hand up to his Papa’s and tapped his hand lightly getting Louis attention. “Papa sad?”

Louis nodded, “A little bit,” he whispered. Ollie brought Louis’ hand to his mouth and for a second Louis thought Ollie was just going to put it in his mouth, but Louis felt a light kiss on his hand. “You’re just like your Daddy, you know,” he observed. “I’m so glad that we used his DNA to get you.”

Ollie giggled into Louis’ hand where he was still holding it to his mouth. Louis smiled sadly, “We’ll get through this together,” he decided looking around the room then back to Ollie.

He nodded his head once more, he could do this, for Ollie, he’d do it. For Ollie he’d do anything, especially because Ollie was half Harry, Harry would always be alive in Ollie. 

Every time Louis did feel slightly lonely, he did what Harry said, he looked at the star and sometimes he even spoke to the brightest one. Everyone probably thought he was crazy, but he was just talking to Harry like he was sitting beside him, it felt like he was still with him, even though he wasn’t, even though he’d never get Harry back.

It was the most painful thing that Louis ever had to experience, but not once did Louis wish that he hadn’t loved. Loving Harry was the greatest thing he’d ever done, despite the somewhat Nicholas Sparks reminiscent ending. Their love had been the greatest experience of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope that didn't hurt you too much, hope you enjoyed.
> 
> The bits in the middle are like flashback kinda things, so you get the best of both worlds with happy and sad.
> 
> What did you think? Should I stick to writing sappy stories where they live happily ever after? Feedback and kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Adios amigos, see ya soon!


End file.
